Friday, December 12, 2008
What a week it has been....
You revealed on Barbara Walter's radio show that you begged the producers of American Idol not to let your stalker on the show...but they thought it would make for good TV....
Then you had to deal with the tragic death of that same obsessed, stalker fan outside your home three weeks ago....
Listening to accusations that you hit the bottle because of your slurred and mumbled speech every time you open up your mouth...
And now this picture surfaces...
Really Paula...just because the beloved Nutcracker character is used as a decoration at Christmas it does not mean that you literally have to dress like one....
Bad Paula. Bad. Bad.
This puts you on Santa's naughty list.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Now why didn't I think of this?
All that crap from past relationships that I just threw out or randomly gave away I could of sold.....hello....Kaching!
Love their tag line: "You don't want it. He can't have it back."
13. McBlooms Skin Therapy: Extremely Rich Creme....best stuff ever for dry skin...found it at Chapters...[mcblooms.com]
14. My Vigoss jeans [vigossusa.com]
15. Movie reviews....so good, so sarcastic....rtheygood.blog.com
16. Artwork...hollandshollywood.com [click under Art Shop]
17. best place to buy books: bookcloseouts.com
18. POM Wonderful Pomegranate Juice
19. PBS...great educational TV shows for the preschool set....Sid The Kid, Super Why, Curious George, Word World, Sesame Street....pbskids.org
20. Slice TV...yes my vice is Slice....slice.ca
21. Best place for creating your own photo books...shutterfly.com
22. To save your chapped lips: Burt's Beeswax Lip Balm
23. Makeup: Pur Minerals...love, love...purminerals.com
24. My Chucks...cause they never go out of style...converse.com
25. Eternal Amber handcrafted accessories....lovely beads, gorgeous earth tones...stunning necklaces...recently saw them hawking their stuff on TV: theshoppingchannel.com/category/jewellery.do?e=1&N=100101+127403&cm_re=A-_-PRI-_-JW_081208_EternalAmber
26. My New Balance trainers...love my running shoes...
27. I wish these two stores existed in Ottawa, Toronto or Montreal...Filene's Basement & DSW...
28. I wish I could afford Lisa Lindblad to book my ultimate travel vacation...lisalindblad.com
29. Avon Naturals Vanilla Shower Gel
30. And finally a VW Rabbit in reflex silver metalic & art gray interior...
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Pamela Anderson....[Art Basel event in Miami last night (Dec 6/08)]
Seriously Pammy...you are so too old for this fashion ensemble...
Your face is looking about 20 years older than the rest of your bod...
And BTW why wear a knit hat if you are not going to wear any pants?
Fire the stylist...and if you did the choosing...get a stylist ASAP.
Too bad Mr. Blackwell is no longer around to see this tarty getup....although Tara Reid may have found her new BFF.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Recently found out about this charity....love what it does....education is empowerment....
This makes for a great Christmas gift....or as a party favour...
This holiday season, help educate a child in the name of your friends and family.
For a minimum contribution of $5, we will send out a personalized “Wishing Star” tribute card which acknowledges your donation to CODE on the recipient's behalf.
That donation will be used to help us teach a child in Africa or the Caribbean to read and write – if you can read and write, you can learn to do, and be, anything.
Literacy is a legacy for the future.
We can mail the card to the recipient directly, or send it to you to fill out and deliver.
“Wishing Star” cards make great wedding favours for guests.
They are perfect gifts for holidays, anniversaries, graduations, retirements, hostess gifts and Birthdays.
They are a great way to say thank you to your favourite teacher, and best of all, each card makes a difference to a child.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Life in prison doesn't seem harsh enough....
If only their sentence included being forced to go through what they put their daughter through on a daily basis....
I am so disgusted.
The invitations were so well designed and after checking out other samples of their work I decided to spread the word....amazing detailed & creative work....they make for wonderful keepsakes for those who receive them....
and here is the official website:
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Brit Brit is looking normal again....
Back to her roots, the good ole 'virginal Justin Timberlake' looking days...
I'm happy for Brit Brit...she looks happy, lost the weight [that includes Federline], off the drugs and drink and is back to making music....
Just listen to your momma and daddy and stay away from trailer park KFed boys and you'll do just fine on the comeback trail....
-Lanes are just a suggestion. The white lines are there but nobody really pays attention to them.
Traffic lights are also a suggestion. More of a guideline. Red lights are sometimes optional in heavy traffic.
-It's ok to cut someone off even if they're right beside you.
-It's ok to pass someone using the oncoming traffic lanes.
-Pededstrians and people on scooters/bikes are a nuisance to drivers and don't really count as anything. I'm shocked there are not more people killed.
-Restaurants have menus with pictures on them - key to see what you're actually ordering.
-It's one hell of a benefit to have a person who speaks Cantonese in your group. That way you actually know what meat is in the pictures you see on the menus.
-The DVDs I brought don't work in the DVD player in the hotel.
-Contrary to popular, North American belief, I'm not considered to be a Godzilla figure. I'm still short but there are way more people like me over here.
-Hooters still sucks...although it's way more entertaining over here. Anytime you can have a group of 7 Chinese Hooters girls sing 'You Are My Sunshine' to you, it's worth the price of admission.
-13 hour time differences suck.
-Smog is cool. However, it's losing its popularity. There are a zillion trees here - replantation is going strong.
-Dave Matthews' song, 'Don't Drink The Water', should be taken literally by Westerners. Thankfully I was forewarned.
-English TV channels have subtitles and the sound doesn't match the mouth movements. Take that Bruce Lee.
-'You're Welcome' must be the first thing they learn in English class. They love saying it...to the point of getting uncomfortable. But they are very eager to show you they can speak English - and most of them are pretty good at it. I on the other hand cannot speak a lick of Cantonese.
-There are 8000 characters in the Cantonese 'alphabet'. Take that ABC.
-They don't have heat over here. It's freezing everywhere and they like it like that. If you ever come here, bring warm clothing.
More to come...I'm going shopping this weekend to the 'market'...should be interesting...
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Here is a great link where your child can receive a personalized video message from Santa Claus.
Its called the 'Portable North Pole'. Its from Sympatico MSN and there is a French version too.
My 2 1/2 year thought is was the 'coolest' thing ever...the look on his face was priceless...especially since Santa says his name and shows his picture.... Its simple to use and only takes a few minutes to do....
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
To expect Dion, another headstrong ideologue, to pass that test, to learn to listen and accept advice, is to miss the central point of this showdown. Character matters. It was Harper's dark side that provoked the crisis; it will only get worse if Dion can't overcome the failings that made him such a poor choice for Liberal leader.
~James Travers [thestar.com]
The biggest Liberal loser in the party's electoral history, a self-admitted campaign failure who advocated carbon taxes as sound economy policy and lacks significant Western Canada representation, seems set to become prime minister next week. Forgive them. They know not what they've done. ~Don Martin [National Post]
The Liberals sold their soul in the sponsorship scandal. They are selling it again to grab power. Hang on to your wallets. The sponsorship scandal will have nothing on this. ~Bob Dudley
Is this Canada or some banana republic? We have enough problems without our elected officials acting like a bunch of kindergarteners.
So in a language our politicians may understand...
Steven – Give the other boys their money back, and stop acting like a bully.
Stephan – You received an “F” on your exam. It’s over – go home.
Gilles - You just like to disrupt the class. Go stand in the corner.
Jack - Poor little Jack, you just don’t play well with others. Either stand in the corner with Gilles, or go home with Stephan.
We the voters gave Steven Harper the bat. So we the Voters will decide if or when he strikes out...Not you. ~Ian - Lindsay
"Why not Gilles Duceppe as defence minister--this way, he can use the Canadian army to strong-arm his separatist ambitions." ~Calgary Herald
'He will have zero democratic legitimacy. He will never be able to use the words, “That’s the job the Canadian people elected me to do." ~David Frum
Layton says he couldn't think of anything better for Canada than to invite separatists into government. I can. Having a federalist party in power committed to a unified Canada would be a good start. It's something Winnipeg NDP MP Pat Martin -- one of the most outspoken critics of the separatist movement -- has always understood. I wonder how he feels about his party signing a deal with the devil. This pact could be one of the most dangerous developments in Canadian history if it succeeds. It could have incalculable results.
~Tom Brodbeck [Winnipeg Sun]
Monday, December 01, 2008
Ottawa, ON ~ Parliament Hill
Toronto, ON ~ Queen's Park
Hamilton, ON ~ Gage Park
London, ON ~ City Hall
Kitchener, ON ~ City Hall
Montreal, QC ~ Dion's Office
Halifax, NS ~ City Hall
Winnipeg, MB ~ Provincial Legislature
Saskatoon, SK ~ City Hall
Calgary, AB ~ City Hall
Edmonton, AB ~ Linda Duncan (NDP)'s office
Vancouver, BC ~ Robson Square
Please sign up and refer to the following links;
3. Please sign the online petition at;
4. Take a few minutes to let your opinion be known to Jack Layton, Stephane Dion (and their respective parties), and the Governor General;
Liberal Party, Stephane Dion: firstname.lastname@example.org ; email@example.com
NDP, Jack Layton: firstname.lastname@example.org ; http://www.ndp.ca/contact (contact form)
Governor General , Michelle Jean: email@example.com
5. Write a letter to the Governor General. Below is a template. No postage is necessary when mailing the Governor General, it will be delivered at no cost. Template:
[First Name] [Last Name]
Her Excellency the Right Honourable Michaëlle Jean
Governor General of Canada
1 Sussex Drive
Ottawa ON K1A 0A1
In the last few days we've witnessed the Liberal Party of Canada, New Democratic Party of Canada, and the Bloc Quebecois, sign a coalition agreement that would see them seek, from you, the ability of the Liberals and New Democrats to form a coalition government supported by the Bloc Quebecois.
The Liberal Party is tabling a non-confidence vote Monday, December 8th, 2008, where they appear to be fully intent on bring the Conservative minority government down.
You have an array of constitutional measures at your disposal. I strongly urge you, as a Canadian citizen, in this situation, to call another federal election.
In the last federal election Canadians were never made aware of any possible coalition agreements. In fact, Liberal leader Stephane Dion denied any possibility of a coalition with the New Democrats. Canadians who voted for these three opposition parties voted under the impression that there would be no coalition government. While there may be voters who voted for these particular parties that would support this coalition government, it is evident, by public opinion, the majority of our electorate is against a Liberal-New Democratic coalition propped up by the Bloc Quebecois.
This, while constitutionally legal, is unethical and an underhanded swipe at democracy.
I strongly advice you, within your constitutional prerogatives, to call a federal election. As this is the best solution to this problem.
[First Name] [Last Name]
Her Excellency the Right Honourable Michaëlle Jean
Governor General of Canada
1 Sussex Drive
Ottawa ON K1A 0A1
Sunday, November 30, 2008
1. hmmm: where is her fricken coat? Ok we get it Suri is cute. [if you've been living under a rock and don't know her by only her first name...Suri is the child of Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes]
Suri loves to wear pretty, expensive designer dresses and has the latest haircut that all little girls want to copy...she's the fashion trendsetter of the preschool world.
Suri is paraded weekly up and down the streets and parks of New York City so the paparazzi can get there priceless picture to sell off to the tabloids and entertainment outlets.
But seriously its the Fall, its cold and she's still walking around without a coat. In every picture I've seen since September, while everyone else is bundled up, it seems that Suri is immune to the cold.
Let me know where I can send my cheque so TomKat can buy her a coat....
2. hmmm: what ever happened to? I loved Jake Ryan. I wanted Jake Ryan to be my boyfriend. From the moment I watched 16 Candles I fell head over heels for Michael Schoeffling...aka Jake Ryan. He was cute, confident but shy and had the sexiest smile.
But then Schoeffling fell off the face of the planet. What happened to him?
He so should of been a huge break out star from that movie...but nothing.
I have googled and the most I could up with is Michael is married with two children, living in Northern Pennsylvania working as a carpenter and woodworker.
I'm glad he's happy...but please someone get him a script....this man so needs a comeback...
And I still think he is a dead ringer for Matt Dillon's lost twin brother.
3. hmmm: worst possible misuse of YouTube: I'll give it to her, when she was a young TV child star on everyone's favorite Cosby Show, Raven Symone was cute, adorable and funny. Now I just find her so annoying...
And this is the last place I would ever go to for how-to-tips on fruit punch, mini sandwiches, fancy dog collars or how to fix my underwire bra [http://www.youtube.com/ravensymonepresents]
Apparently there's a market for it because for the low, low price of 16.99 US you can buy the DVD with all these nifty projects and more!
Who knew that Raven had her heart set on being the next Martha?
Not sure why I haven't heard about NOW or Des Garvey before a few weeks ago....but all that matters is that I do now.
He is now my new local hero...he's man that I've never met but who has inspired me to do more.
He is a man who saw a need a world a way, made a promise to make a difference, and delivered on that word.
Des Garvey is 80 years old, a widow, the father of 7, grandfather of 11 and a hero to a town in West Africa.
Des Garvey wants to help people escape from one of the worst places on earth and come to one of the best.
His passion is war-torn Sierra Leone, which is - according to the United Nations - the least liveable country in the world.
The story goes hat upon his retirement 18 years ago, Des decided to celebrate his retirement with a trip to Africa.
Des had heard about the poverty in Africa but he wanted to see it for himself.
His plan was to travel all across Africa but he never made it past his first stop in the town of Bo, Sierra Leone.
What he saw there made him cancel the rest of his trip and make a pledge to help the children of this impoverished town.
Des returned to Nepean, Ontario, Canada and started the process of promoting solidarity between the City of Nepean, and the city of Bo, Sierra Leone.
Des also established a charitable non-governmental organization in 1989, Nepean Outreach to the World (NOW).
The children of Bo, Sierra Leone are victims of an 11 year civil war.
Unlike here in Canada, these children have never known the feeling of being safe. Instead, they have witnessed war, experienced horrible atrocities, seen the deaths of their parents and have been left orphaned.
Through the efforts of NOW, Des wants to create a future where these children have access to family love, education, health care and an overall better quality of life.
NOW's current project is to build a Learning Resource Centre.
When completed, the Learning Resource Centre will provide the children with a facility dedicated to self-learning, books and teaching materials, computers, software and other technology aids.
To accomplish this latest project, NOW needs to raise about $40,000.
The fundraising for this project started this past weekend with an auction at a local church.
If you can help out with a donation please visit the NOW website...
Des has proved that a life of service can truly change the lives of people a world away....its all about what you do...acting instead of just talking about it....and for that reason Des Garvey is my hero.
Please spread the world...
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
I'm in the process of coming up with some design ideas for my daughter's room...
So far the colors in the room will be brown and pink...
And these words will be written on the wall...how and where are still to be decided....
family, friends, love, happiness, faith,
courage, inspiration, truth, passion
determination, dreams, success,
pride, self respect, strength
prosperity, character, independence,
justice, hope, understanding,
compassion, discovery, victory, ambition,
confidence, equality, guidance
commitment, tolerance, curiosity, optimism
I found the greatest website...with funky, unique decorating ideas....totally inspired by their products....love it. My husband's wallet is going to hate it!
OK I don't bake to save my life....but I found this recipe and modified it slightly...so good.
They taste like a cross between a cookie, a muffin and a granola bar.
If I can bake them...anyone can.
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 1/4 cups of Quaker Quick Oats
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 Tbsp Cinnamon
1/4 cup finely chooped walnuts
1/4 cup inaly chopped almonds
2 heaping Tbsp ground flax seed
***plus you can add the following ingredients if you wish: 1/2 cup raisins, 1/2 dried cranberries, 1/2 package semi sweet chocolate chips***
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup oil (corn, grapeseed or olive)
1 egg (beat with 1 Tbsp Water)
1 tsp Vanilla
1/2 cup or more of applesauce [depending on how dry the mix is]
In a large bowl, mix all the dry ingredients together.
In a medium bowl, mix all the wet ingredients together.
Hint: when measuring out the honey, spray the measuring cup with oil or baking spray--your honey won't stick).
Mix the wet stuff with the dry stuff. If the mixture seems too wet, add more rolled oats. If it isn't binding together very well, you may wish to add more applesauce or milk.
COOL the mix for 20 minutes in the fridge.
Preheat the oven to 335 degrees.
Drop by teaspoonfuls onto your baking sheet (spray with Pam spray).
Press down slightly with a fork to ensure even cooking.
Bake for about 15 - 20 minutes or until golden on the bottom of the cookie.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
How I saw the Celine Dion concert....
Ok I'll give it to Celine...she has a ridiculously amazing voice...she is uber talented....vocally speaking....
And she has the MOST killer legs that go on for miles and miles....and I would totally kill for her shoe collection [nothing short of a 4 1/2" heel]...minus the white number she wore at the very end [ass ugly Celine...fire your wardrobe person for that pick]
What I could do without....
Her need to play air guitar throughout the show....
And her need to try and merge together the dancing skills of John Travolta [Saturday Night Fever], Michael Jackson and Elvis....we get it you can't dance....just sing....
Other things I noticed that kept me entertained....
1. the super drunk chick in the floor section....who totally thought she was Celine...standing for the entire show she sang every word to every song and did the Celine [point the finger in the air] I'm about to hit a high note motion....she was VERY amusing....[and didn't drop her wines, coolers or beers once]
2. the two girls directly in front of me who thought they were at their own private Celine Dion dance club... [I saw more of their two asses than Celine...thank god for the big TV screens above the stage] I swear the 60+ tour group from Montreal that was sitting next to me was ready to kick your ass, riot style...I've never heard so many French curse words uttered by seniors....note: seniors like sitting at concerts and DO NOT like their view obstructed....
3. noticed 3 men and 1 woman who fell asleep 45 minutes into the show [grant it they looked 70 so it was well past their bed time]
4. There were a lot of guys at the show...no women with them....but young guys in their late 20s to mid 30s...and shockingly straight....perhaps they thought this was a good pick up venue...hmmm
5. The 6 year old looking boy who played with his Game Boy the entire concert...I'm sure mommy and daddy are super thrilled they spent $195.00+ on your ticket....
But in the end all that really mattered was that my mommy had an amazing time....she was in Celine Dion heaven....and that puts me on Santa's good list this year.....;)
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I was left a lovely note by our local sanitation engineer [that's what they like to be called right? I am so not up to speed on what the correct PC term is for trash collector] this morning...
I woke up and found that my husband had not taken out the garbage before work...by the time I got the kids fed it was a little before 9AM before I got the trash and recycling to the curb.
As I was taking things out I saw that the city garbage truck was pulling up to the corner so I quickly got everything to the curb before they started collecting....
When I went to retrieve the recycle bin I was left with a note saying that the next time my trash and recycling was not at the curb before 7AM it would not be picked up...this my first and final warning.
You are kidding me right?
How would they know if it was out before 7AM if they aren't usually there until well after 9AM on most weeks?
Thank you very much City Hall....but I pay my taxes and don't need you to tell me when to put out my trash....that is micro managing to the extreme.
Friday, September 12, 2008
1. My son's current obsession, other than his blocks and cars, is the TV show 'Max & Ruby'....please, please make an episode that shows the parents. It annoys me to no end that the parents are never around...also can we tone down how annoying Ruby is? All she does is nag...her way or the highway....
2. Crapolicious. That's what ANTM has become...so bad that I can't stop watching it....a new drinking game is to take a shot each time Ms Tyra references herself in the show....she can take any situation and bring it back to herself...love it...and I love when she gets super bitchy when a contestant can't name a high profile model...
3. My son found a tampon in my bathroom this week and used it as he put it 'as a really big Qtip to clean his oversized teddy bear's ears...' good god...although it would make for an interesting campaign for Tampax....
4. Could someone please create a toddler's fever medicine that is flavourless...all I can ever find is super sickening sweet grape, cherry and fruit punch flavours...all which my son loathes....
5. I finally found a yogurt that is made with whole milk, doesn't contain artificial sweetners, low in sugar, tastes great and doesn't have that prebiotic crap that gives toddlers an upset stomach....its L'il Ones Yogurt from Dairyland.....
6. Was so happy that Brit Brit walked away with some moonmen at the MTV Video Awards this week...nice to know that MTV celebrates and honours those who led a completely f-ed up life over the course of the last year...see it pays to go crazy and fall off the deep end....lets see how long her 'normal Britney state of mind' lasts.....
Thursday, September 04, 2008
So I was getting ready to enjoy my hot steaming cup of caramel flavoured coffee when from across the kitchen table my husband says “So according to the paper you women are programmed to cheat…apparently your genes are to blame.” Talk about being sucker punched at 9AM in the morning without even having my first caffeine fix. With that said, so much for thinking it was going to be a quiet Sunday morning.
“What are you talking about?” I replied. [Note: at this point I had hoped that a story in the sports section would grab my husband’s attention and change the subject altogether but no such luck] “Here look for yourself,” he smiled as he handed me over the front page of the paper. And there it was in bold, black letters, the title that would have me thinking all day, “Women programmed to cheat, scientists find”. The article went on to say that a new study on twins by the St. Thomas Hospital in London found that women can blame their genes for any urges they might experience when it comes to marital infidelity. The doctor’s claimed it was part of our “evolution” as a sex. [Note: this might make for the first time that the journal ‘Twins Research’ makes it on to the best sellers list thanks to married women everywhere]
A mind blowing read for a Sunday morning don’t you think?
After the ‘oh wow’ effect wore off plus the caffeine high from two additional cups of coffee, a thought came to mind [OK more than just one]. Could this mean in future, that at any given divorce procedure in any given courtroom, a woman could be excused for her infidelities? I mean if it’s in her genes, and she’s programmed to cheat, how could an extramarital affair possibly be held against her? It would be a hard case to fight even for the best lawyers. Could this be a start of newly implemented ‘get of jail free card’ for cheating women everywhere? Like the Michael Jackson song goes ‘It’s human nature” and we can’t possibly be blamed for something that’s instinctual, right? [Note: To all the divorce lawyers…have fun with that new development]. Who knew that cheating could be deemed a basic necessity for some women?
Then I started thinking, if some women can’t help but cheat why do they get married in the first place? I mean if you know you’re prone to the look and lots of touching after the ‘I do’s’ why not just pull a ‘Samantha Jones’ from Sex In The City and stay very single and have fun whenever and with whomever you want without the guilt? [And according to all the episodes I’ve seen of Sex In The City it’s quite the exciting life with a lot of hot available and willing men]. I mean really, why go through all the drama of preparing for a wedding day only to end up with a very expensive divorce lawyer diving up all your ‘stuff’ into two equal or not so equal parts?
Maybe it’s because these ‘I can’t help but cheat’ women are missing one important thing: the marriage gene. It’s that much needed chromosome that keeps women faithful, for better or for worse. Or if nothing else, it’s that one thing that makes them understand that after you say your ‘I do’s’, you can still keep looking all you want [I mean we are only human], but honey you can’t touch, no matter how tempting the offer may appear.
And trust me, we married women look.
That’s another of the many reasons why women value their friendships so much. It’s all about being out with the girls and all of you noticing that hot, young waiter and praying that he’s going to serve your table. It’s about going out to watch a movie about firefighters on a Friday with the girls just because of the hot cast leading Hollywood men and not caring that at the end of the credits your eyes are puffy and red from crying and mascara is all over your face, because in the end it was all worth seeing so-and-so without his shirt on the big screen. It’s about sharing with your girlfriends that at a function the night before with your husband, a very handsome guy flirted with you and you were thrilled just to know that ‘you still had it going on’. [Note: It’s always worth splurging on that to die for little black dress]
So yes, married women look. Sue us. That’s one of the ties that bind us together. The other is knowing that when all is said and done; you’re going home to someone who loves you more than anything in the world [cast of ‘Desperate Housewives’, car, plasma TV and sports team excluded].
So for those of us with the marriage gene, why do we get married and then stay married? I asked some of my married friends and they all pretty much had the same type of answer. It’s all about love, family and security. It’s all about knowing that you’ve met your soul-mate; the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. It’s knowing that you’ve found the ‘one’ for you.
It’s more than just the reality that your significant other is ‘legally required’ to be there in the morning. It’s knowing that all it takes is one smile, one hug, one look, or one kiss to make you forget that you just had one of the worst days of your life. It’s about having those inside jokes that can set off a laughing fit in the middle of the aisle at the local grocery store. It’s all about that perfect Saturday night, snuggling together on the couch under that big warm blanket with every intention of watching the Godfather: Part 1, only to fall asleep in each others arms an hour into the movie. It’s about being able to see someone from across the room at a crowded party and knowing exactly what they are thinking without having to say a word. It’s about being able to spend an entire lazy Sunday in bed watching really bad infomercials. It’s knowing that there is one person out there that really knows who you are, mind, body and soul and loves you unconditionally despite all your flaws. And it’s knowing, that when that one person says those three magic words ‘I love you’, that in the end that’s all matters.
Marriage is something special. And for those of us that have found the ‘one’…it’s an amazing time in your life. Now I’m not saying that marriage is this stress free and problem free arrangement because it’s not even at the best of times. To make a marriage you have to work at it. But for those of us who have that marriage gene know that a marriage is worth having and keeping.
It’s that instinctual part of us that keeps us together with that one chosen person, ‘till death do us part.” And it’s the thing that’s in us that let’s all the ‘would of, could of and should of’ potential hook-ups of our futures fall in the category of ‘maybe if I was still single’ because in the end we have the real thing waiting for us at home. And it’s that real thing that has all single women everywhere hoping they have in them, that very special sought after marriage gene, when they finally meet Mr. Right.
And in the end that real thing is something worth holding on to because married women know how long it took to find it and they know life just wouldn’t be the same without it.
At the ripe old age of 35 and just having celebrated my fifth wedding anniversary I don’t claim to be the ‘be all and end all’ expert when it comes to what constitutes a happy and healthy marriage but I do know this, if I spend 30 minutes of my precious Saturday morning calling up my girlfriends and sister to give them a play by play of the ‘incident’ in the Walmart parking lot just moments before, then my friends, something ain’t right in somebody’s marriage.
I was minding my own business, just walking casually back to my car, getting ready to leave one errand run for another. I put my bags in the trunk, got into the drivers seat, and started the car. This by any standard is a fairly normal parking lot expectation for just about anyone. All of a sudden I hear a car behind me come to a screeching halt and a man gets out. Let me introduce you to the ‘yelling man’. At first I panicked thinking I had done something wrong, [Note: it took three tries to get my license so I always think it’s my fault when the situation involves a screeching car…that I blame on the fact that my driver’s ed course supplied only hot looking 20 something guys as driving instructors…so Frasier Atkinson, wherever you are, it was nice that you took the time to explain to me how to be a safe driver and the obey the rules of the road but all I got out of our in-car driving sessions was how cute your smile was and how good you looked in those jeans…but I digress] but when I noticed ‘yelling man’ walk over to the driver’s side of his car I was relieved to know that the problem wasn’t me.
Instead ‘yelling man’ proceeded to have a full fledged ‘relationship argument’ with his wife right there in the middle of the parking lot. Now since I gave her husband a name, it would only be fair that I refer to her as ‘very angry woman’. This couple went on for what seemed like forever and let me tell you it was a loud, arms waving, kind of marital spat. Let me point out that I had started up my car and it was very clear that I wanted to leave the parking spot, so I could get on with my day but apparently that didn’t matter to ‘yelling man’ and ‘very angry woman’, because she turned off the car and had no intentions of letting me out of my parking spot prison until she let her husband know exactly how she felt.
In a nutshell here are the ‘must knows’ of this particular drama. She thought he was rude to her back in the store and like always ‘he had neglected her feelings’. He on the other hand thought like always she was blowing things out of proportion (like I said they were yelling and since I had nothing better to do with my time, I may have rolled down my window for a better listen…and for the record it was completely in my right to do so, since at this point their ‘argument’ had become public ‘parking lot’ domain). [Note: If ‘very angry woman’ was looking for a quiet and peaceful shopping day at the shopping centre with her husband, then 11am on a Saturday morning was not the time nor the place for an idyllic shopping experience].
At that point, I thought I was on TV. You know those surreal ‘Candid Camera’ moments, where you look around thinking to yourself, “OK you got me, where’s the camera?” But this time there was no camera and no production crew laughing at my situation. So after patiently waiting for ‘yelling man’ and ‘very angry woman’ [note: clock count at this point was at least six minutes] I thought to myself, we’re adults here, if I simply explain to the couple that I just wanted to get out of the parking lot, and if they could temporarily put their argument on hold while she moved their car over one parking space, then I could get leave and they could resume their spat. OK fine, stupid idea I know, but at the time it sounded, if only in my head, like a perfectly reasonable solution.
So I got out of my car and proceeded to walk over to ‘yelling man’ and ‘very angry wife’ to calmly explain my predicament. Then do you know what ‘yelling man’ had the nerve to say to me? And in the most condescending tone I might add. He looks at me (well if we’re going for official police report accuracy here, he actually stared me down…the kind you see in those ‘heat of the moments’ on soap-operas) and says “Hello, do you have a problem? Or can I help you with something?” Normally, in any other given situation, a question like that deserves an answer but ‘yelling man’ didn’t seem to be in the talking mood…or at least not with me. So, politely as I moved backwards to my car, I said, “No, no I’ll just go back to my car and wait until you and your wife finish up, sorry to interrupt.”
Now please explain to me why I was apologizing? Why is that I, the party that was obviously in the right, was made to feel very much in the wrong by ‘yelling man’s’ two brief sentences? And while I’m putting questions out there, since when do public displays of ‘marital woes’ in the middle of a parking lot in the suburbs become OK? Had ‘relationship arguments’ in a wide open arena suddenly become acceptable? Was it our duty as fellow married types to just let these kind of ‘situations’ just go on in front of our eyes and let them play out until the ‘yelling men’ and the ‘very angry women’ of the worlds have come to a resolution. Even if it means that we have to put a hold on our lives?
I called up my fellow married friend Nadia and asked her if there was a memo circulating in the neighbourhood that made this kind of behavior acceptable for couples. A ‘coupling do’s and don’ts’ memo that I obviously had no idea even existed.
Good news…no such memo was to be found anywhere. Apparently I had simply just encountered my very first couple of married ‘crazies’. That’s what Nadia called those couples who think it’s OK to have those ‘remind me again why I’m still married to you arguments’ in public. Arguments that I might add, I thought were still reserved for the privacy of one’s home or for daytime soap opera plot lines.
Which leads me to my next question, at what point in a relationship, do you let yourself believe that you can take the most unpleasant moments of your ‘couplehood’ and put them out there on public display? And for that matter, not care that people are pointing and staring at you and could possibly be putting you down in that newly formed ‘crazies’ married category? Or is it me? Am I one of the few that hasn’t been so desensitized by the wave of reality TV shows, that this kind of drama playing out before me isn’t deemed to be normal behavior in my eyes?
Let’s just say that one of two things will have to happen. Either the whole vow business will have to be updated to include “Till death and parking lot do us part”, or a brand new lecture topic for marriage courses will have to be made mandatory for potential would be couples. No matter how mad you are at your significant other and how big the argument is…never ever, ever have it the middle of a very busy and packed Walmart parking lot on a Saturday morning…save it until you get home. Or better yet, don’t go shopping with your husband if that’s what the end result is going to be. Here’s a little self-help advice for those couples prone to the ‘parking lot drama’ syndrome: One of the many reasons why married women hold on to their friendships with the ‘girls’ and value them so…it’s for those peaceful, fun-filled, drama-free shopping trips.
Now, so I don’t leave you hanging with the ‘incident’, this is how it finally played out. At the ten minute mark ‘yelling man’ finally managed to calm down and walked back to the passenger seat and he and ‘very angry woman’ drove off…laughing. And I was able to leave my parking space prison and go on with my day.
Welcome to the world of marriage…you never know what you’re going to get.