Thursday, September 04, 2008

Apparently your genes are to blame.

So I was getting ready to enjoy my hot steaming cup of caramel flavoured coffee when from across the kitchen table my husband says “So according to the paper you women are programmed to cheat…apparently your genes are to blame.” Talk about being sucker punched at 9AM in the morning without even having my first caffeine fix. With that said, so much for thinking it was going to be a quiet Sunday morning.
“What are you talking about?” I replied. [Note: at this point I had hoped that a story in the sports section would grab my husband’s attention and change the subject altogether but no such luck] “Here look for yourself,” he smiled as he handed me over the front page of the paper. And there it was in bold, black letters, the title that would have me thinking all day, “Women programmed to cheat, scientists find”. The article went on to say that a new study on twins by the St. Thomas Hospital in London found that women can blame their genes for any urges they might experience when it comes to marital infidelity. The doctor’s claimed it was part of our “evolution” as a sex. [Note: this might make for the first time that the journal ‘Twins Research’ makes it on to the best sellers list thanks to married women everywhere]
A mind blowing read for a Sunday morning don’t you think?
After the ‘oh wow’ effect wore off plus the caffeine high from two additional cups of coffee, a thought came to mind [OK more than just one]. Could this mean in future, that at any given divorce procedure in any given courtroom, a woman could be excused for her infidelities? I mean if it’s in her genes, and she’s programmed to cheat, how could an extramarital affair possibly be held against her? It would be a hard case to fight even for the best lawyers. Could this be a start of newly implemented ‘get of jail free card’ for cheating women everywhere? Like the Michael Jackson song goes ‘It’s human nature” and we can’t possibly be blamed for something that’s instinctual, right? [Note: To all the divorce lawyers…have fun with that new development]. Who knew that cheating could be deemed a basic necessity for some women?
Then I started thinking, if some women can’t help but cheat why do they get married in the first place? I mean if you know you’re prone to the look and lots of touching after the ‘I do’s’ why not just pull a ‘Samantha Jones’ from Sex In The City and stay very single and have fun whenever and with whomever you want without the guilt? [And according to all the episodes I’ve seen of Sex In The City it’s quite the exciting life with a lot of hot available and willing men]. I mean really, why go through all the drama of preparing for a wedding day only to end up with a very expensive divorce lawyer diving up all your ‘stuff’ into two equal or not so equal parts?
Maybe it’s because these ‘I can’t help but cheat’ women are missing one important thing: the marriage gene. It’s that much needed chromosome that keeps women faithful, for better or for worse. Or if nothing else, it’s that one thing that makes them understand that after you say your ‘I do’s’, you can still keep looking all you want [I mean we are only human], but honey you can’t touch, no matter how tempting the offer may appear.
And trust me, we married women look.
That’s another of the many reasons why women value their friendships so much. It’s all about being out with the girls and all of you noticing that hot, young waiter and praying that he’s going to serve your table. It’s about going out to watch a movie about firefighters on a Friday with the girls just because of the hot cast leading Hollywood men and not caring that at the end of the credits your eyes are puffy and red from crying and mascara is all over your face, because in the end it was all worth seeing so-and-so without his shirt on the big screen. It’s about sharing with your girlfriends that at a function the night before with your husband, a very handsome guy flirted with you and you were thrilled just to know that ‘you still had it going on’. [Note: It’s always worth splurging on that to die for little black dress]
So yes, married women look. Sue us. That’s one of the ties that bind us together. The other is knowing that when all is said and done; you’re going home to someone who loves you more than anything in the world [cast of ‘Desperate Housewives’, car, plasma TV and sports team excluded].
So for those of us with the marriage gene, why do we get married and then stay married? I asked some of my married friends and they all pretty much had the same type of answer. It’s all about love, family and security. It’s all about knowing that you’ve met your soul-mate; the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. It’s knowing that you’ve found the ‘one’ for you.
It’s more than just the reality that your significant other is ‘legally required’ to be there in the morning. It’s knowing that all it takes is one smile, one hug, one look, or one kiss to make you forget that you just had one of the worst days of your life. It’s about having those inside jokes that can set off a laughing fit in the middle of the aisle at the local grocery store. It’s all about that perfect Saturday night, snuggling together on the couch under that big warm blanket with every intention of watching the Godfather: Part 1, only to fall asleep in each others arms an hour into the movie. It’s about being able to see someone from across the room at a crowded party and knowing exactly what they are thinking without having to say a word. It’s about being able to spend an entire lazy Sunday in bed watching really bad infomercials. It’s knowing that there is one person out there that really knows who you are, mind, body and soul and loves you unconditionally despite all your flaws. And it’s knowing, that when that one person says those three magic words ‘I love you’, that in the end that’s all matters.
Marriage is something special. And for those of us that have found the ‘one’…it’s an amazing time in your life. Now I’m not saying that marriage is this stress free and problem free arrangement because it’s not even at the best of times. To make a marriage you have to work at it. But for those of us who have that marriage gene know that a marriage is worth having and keeping.
It’s that instinctual part of us that keeps us together with that one chosen person, ‘till death do us part.” And it’s the thing that’s in us that let’s all the ‘would of, could of and should of’ potential hook-ups of our futures fall in the category of ‘maybe if I was still single’ because in the end we have the real thing waiting for us at home. And it’s that real thing that has all single women everywhere hoping they have in them, that very special sought after marriage gene, when they finally meet Mr. Right.
And in the end that real thing is something worth holding on to because married women know how long it took to find it and they know life just wouldn’t be the same without it.

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